Merry Christmas

Good morning world J It’s Christmas Eve and I am just a tad excited!!!!!

I just wanted to pop on and wish you all a very Merry Christmas spent with family and friends. I sincerely hope you have a beautiful time with truck loads of love and laughter filling your days. Today marks the beginning of our three day celebration and I couldn’t be more excited! The washing is on, the mini quiches are cooking, the gifts are wrapped, the hampers are made and the kids are carrying on like pork chops...and so this is Christmas J I wonder what people without children are doing at 6am on this lovely rainy day...?

Anyway, I am going to take a little blogging holiday while we enjoy this festive season and Mat’s week off so have a lovely Christmas everyone and I look forward to blogging with you all in 2012 xox

A Christmas Poem

T’was three nights before Christmas, when all through the house,
I was pissed off at Mat and on him I did rouse.  
He was absent again for reasons unjust,
Which caused my happy bubble to suddenly bust.

We were to spend the evening as a family, together,
Enjoying the Christmas lights regardless of weather.
But instead Mat was gone doing God knows what,
For which my reaction was in hell he can rot.

When he finally came home, the whole house was in bed,
But I was awake and went off my head.
I am tired of us being the priority of last,
Things better change and I’m talking fast.

The argument went this way and that,
When finally into the ring he threw his hat,
He expressed his view that he is doing his job,
Earning money so we don’t live like slobs.

I tried to explain that the kids and I,
Need more than money from him to survive.
I need a partner who gives a damn,
It’s time to step up and be more of a man.

More importantly so, the kids need a Dad,
Who’s happy to see them and shows that he’s glad.
They need their Dad to play tiggy and laugh,
Not turn on the TV or play with his car.

The end result was that Mat expressed,
He won’t change his ways and I need to expect less,
For his role as a man is to simply earn money
and everything else falls on my back as Mummy.

As you can imagine I then politely asked
That he relocate himself to the couch, pretty damn fast.
I am sure that tonight will present with round two,
Good grief, what's a girl supposed to do!?!

Love, love me do

I had a lovely night out last night with my gorgeous Mother’s Group pals, minus the 14 children we have between us! We enjoyed some sushi followed by a drink at the pub then a movie...it was heavenly! It has got me thinking about how vital it is to have a support network and beautiful friends in your life.

I want to take this opportunity to firstly say thank you so very very much to my loyal blog followers! The feedback you have given me has been amazing and really motivated me to keep going with the blog. Initially, I began writing with the intention of creating a support network of Mum’s who tell it like it is. Motherhood is really tough but so few people are actually honest about that. I felt it needed a voice and I love being that voice. I love that I have inspired so many of you in various ways and also validated for many of you that you are completely normal! We are all in this together and the more support we can give each other, the better J

I also want to say a HUGE thank you to my gorgeous family! You are always there whenever I need anything at all and are such a vital part of my children’s lives. I treasure the fact that Sophie and Elliott are loved dearly and sincerely by you all. We are truly blessed to be such a close, supportive and loving family...I love you all so much!  

Finally, I want to mention how much I love my friends. Again, I feel very blessed to have so many wonderful people in my life. You are always there to help me, to tell me to pull my head in and pick me up when I fall down. It is a two way street of course and you all know that I have been and will be there for you in your time of need, wine in hand J I really am so lucky to be surrounded by such gorgeous friends.

Take the opportunity today to think about those people who are special to you and reach out to them. Tell them they are loved, tell them you appreciate them and let them know how dear they are to you. We seem to speak very well of loved ones once they have passed over, but why not let them know how you feel while they are here to enjoy it! Pay it forward and share the love J    

The spiritual side of Kate

Ok, as promised, I am going to talk about the spiritual side of my life today. I have actually tried to write this entry about twelve times now, but I am finding it a little bit challenging. Firstly it is a challenge to succinctly put my beliefs into words but more importantly, I am actually not entirely sure where I stand spiritually. I feel like I’ve just dipped my toe into the vast ocean that is my spiritual journey and I still have so so so much to learn. I guess, if anything, I am learning that this is a spiritual journey, a lifetime of development and a very fluid concept that I imagine will be ever evolving for me. Here goes...

First up, I have to say that there is a huge difference between being spiritual and being religious. Those of you who know me well know that religion and I have never been pals. It’s only in the last 12 months I have begun being exposed to the whole notion of God, Jesus Christ and all that jazz. I am yet to pick up a bible and for many months I referred to Church as “The big house” because I was so uncomfortable saying the word Church (and God or Jesus, or even Amen). So in terms of my religious beliefs, the jury is still out on exactly what I think there. I know there is a higher power and I do refer to it as God, but I am not yet comfortable with the stereotypical biblical images conjured up when referring to this topic. I imagine this comfort will come over time, but for now, it is all very new and I haven’t formed a concrete point of view yet.  

In terms of spirituality, I think this is where I shine. This is undoubtedly the missing piece of the puzzle that I have been looking for and now that I have found it, I feel complete and like I am on the right track. What I am about to share with you will have some of you thinking I’m nuts. Some of you will embrace it I am sure, but I have a feeling a lot of you will think I am nuts. That’s OK with me because this is my journey and about what makes me happy, not about what is right or wrong in terms of beliefs. Each to their own J So, I really don’t know what word to use here to describe myself but basically, I communicate with spirit. I don’t sit around cauldrons sacrificing kittens on the eve of the full moon, but I do meet fortnightly with a group of likeminded people and we engage in a few hours of honing our skills. I can see auras (but I am still learning with this one), I communicate with dead people, I meditate, I practice psychometry, telepathy and astral travel...but I really suck at astral travel! I read books on everything spiritual, I believe in the powers of crystals and aromatherapy and I believe in past lives and reincarnation. As you can imagine, there is a hell of a lot more to it than just those few sentences but I think that sums it up pretty well.

No doubt, now that I have filled you in on that side of my beliefs, I will be able to share much much more with you on my communications with spirit. I get some really insightful, motivational and informative messages that I know you could all benefit from too so stay tuned J       

Resolutions

Oh my goodness, was I drunk yesterday? Seriously, what kind of whako decides to engage in a healthy eating regime this close to Christmas? Needless to say, the healthy eating plan went out the window several hours after making the foolish resolution. It’s like the moment I tell myself I can’t have treat food, it’s all I want and when I do have some I completely overindulge. Not good! So today I am just trying to shift my focus from food to everything else that needs to be done in the lead up to the weekend...and there is plenty to be done!

The mention of healthy eating has really got me thinking about resolutions I want to make for next year. Love them or hate them, New Years Resolutions are a hot topic around this time and I fall into the category of loving them. You know how much I love Monday’s because they are a fresh start, well New Years Day is like a whole bunch of Monday fresh starts rolled into one. I love it!!! As I consider what I want to focus my energy on in 2012, a quote comes to mind: “There is nothing you have ever been successful at that you didn’t work on ever day”. It helps me to think of my overall goal and break it down into manageable daily pieces. As it is likely to be my last year home as a full time Mum, I am going to make the most of it. Here is where my brainstorming is at so far:

-          Be present with my children and enrich their lives every day;

-          Do something every day to make Mat’s day a little brighter. I used to do sweet things like a note in his lunchbox or setting an alarm on his phone to go off at a random time of day telling him I love him. I have stopped all that for some reason but I want to focus on improving our relationship much more next year;

-          Engage in activities daily that will further my psychic and spiritual development (again, I promise I will elaborate on this topic before the week is through);

-          Make going to the gym as much a part of everyday life as brushing my teeth and having a shower;  

-          Write every day. I have so many book ideas I just have to get started...especially before books become obsolete with ever evolving technology!  

I am sure there are loads more things that will come to mind but that is the overall idea of what I want to do in 2012. I want to be a better mum, a better wife, a better Kate. I feel like I am currently running on a treadmill, working my backside off, exhausting myself but getting nowhere. So it’s time to jump off the treadmill and start making some ground! Look out 2012, here I come...I just wish I could have a catchy t-shirt phrase like “Kevin 07”...any suggestions?????   

Six sleeps to go!

Good morning everyone J Monday again and although I am exhausted, I am pumped!! There are only six more sleeps until Christmas Day so this week, I will be running around like a chook with its head cut off. As with birthdays, Christmas is a celebration that spans several days for us. This year we are having Christmas Eve with my Mum, Christmas Day with Mat’s family and Boxing Day with my Dad. Then the 27^th is my Dad’s birthday so we will be having more family celebrations then too. In amongst the four days of trekking around the countryside, I need to find time to cook, bake and prepare the food I am taking for each celebration...it will be a juggling act for sure!! But I am looking forward to it because busy is what I do best J

I have set myself a challenge this week: to eat healthy and not be tempted by all the delicious treats I am baking. I haven’t done this to torture myself, but rather because I know overindulgence is imminent this coming weekend. I feel like I can justify the reward of overeating only if I behave myself this week. Challenge is the operative word though so fingers crossed I will have the will power to stick to my goal. Well, that’s not entirely accurate, I have plenty of “will” power (yes, I “will” have that delicious piece of shortbread), what I need to adopt is a little “wont” power! Wish me luck!

I hope you are all having a lovely week in the lead up to Christmas. Happy Monday J       

There are no secrets wtih Sophie

Sometimes, the brutal honesty of children can be a little embarrassing, sometimes it can be a little hard to hear, and other times, it can be downright hilarious...

We were at swimming lessons this week which we have been attending for at least three years, so Sophie’s teacher is very familiar with our family. Out of nowhere, Sophie declares to her teacher “My Dad’s name is Mat. He had a-sectomy (vasectomy) because we don’t want any more babies! Just Elliott”. Naturally this was met with fits of laughter from the swimming teacher and other Mum’s while my cheeks flushed bright red!

Then there are the stories Sophie shares at Kindy. Nearly every week I’m having to explain some bizarre behaviour that she is engaging in and because she attends a Kindy attached to a very reputable private school, they are often quite shocked by the nutcase family that is ours J. A few months ago, I taught Sophie how to cleanse her chakras using some hand actions and a little prayer. I repeatedly told her this was only to be done at home otherwise people will probably think we are crazy. Sure enough though, I collected Sophie from Kindy one afternoon and I was met with a “please explain” from her teachers...you can imagine the challenge trying to clarify that one!!

Another thing Sophie is really good at is telling people what gifts we have bought for them. Even when they are just about to open their gift she will say something like “I’m not a-post (supposed) to tell you that we got you a cupcake carrier”. Spoiler alert!

So I have learnt this past year that nothing can be said in front of Sophie if is it to remain a secret and I can imagine it is only going to get worse from here! Enjoy your weekend guys and next week I promise I will elaborate a little more on the above mentioned chakra stuff J

Through the eyes of a child

Is it any wonder children are such happy little things when you consider the world through their eyes? We could really learn a thing or two from them...

• When children wake up, they don’t mope around in bed dreading the day ahead. Instead, they leap out of bed, delighted to be awake and ready for the adventure that the day will bring. Even more wonderful is waking up to a rainy day. It does not instigate dismay that the washing won’t dry or that the lawn can’t be mowed...again. Instead, children love hearing it rain because it means muddy messy play and splashing in puddles! What fun!
• Children are experts at being in the present. When they are playing, they don’t think about pack up time, dinner time or nap time. They just enjoy the moment and believe everyone around them should be doing the same. I also love how children take pleasure in the smallest things, like blowing raspberries at each other or throwing water bombs and watching them splash on the ground. Simple little actions that result in fits of laughter and genuine joy at the experience of it.  
• A very precious element of childhood is that everything can be solved with a hug and kiss. It must be the most wonderful feeling in the world knowing that Mum or Dad will make everything OK, make every problem go away and turn every frown into a smile simply with a kiss, a cuddle and a few sweet nothings whispered in their ears.

Basically, children are so precious because they have not yet learnt to doubt themselves and worry about the world around them. Let them be children for as long as humanly possible because it is such a short period of their lives. Better yet, get involved with your children and dabble in puddle splashing and being fully present...it might just make your day a little bit brighter looking at it through the eyes of a child.  

And so this is Christmas...

When I opened yesterday’s gift of another beautiful day, I planned to do some Christmas shopping and some pottering around the house. I was delighted to find as the day progressed that my gift had a different plan for me. A day full of spontaneity and surprises shared with my beautiful children...

My teething monster Elliott woke at the usual hour of sparrows fart, only to be put back to bed at 7:30am because he was utterly exhausted (as was I!!) He took a three hour nap (longest nap ever...why wont he ever do that when I actually want him too?!?) during which time Sophie and I spent some quality time together. It is not often we get to play with the porcelain tea set or do a floor puzzle without a certain little someone running interference on it. We also found a letter in the letterbox from Santa! Sophie was absolutely thrilled and it has taken pride of place on the fridge.

Once Elliott woke, we headed to the shops for some Christmas shopping. I got all the way to Capalaba only to realise that I had left the nappy bag at home with my purse in it! So we turned around and headed home to collect it. Surprisingly, I was unperturbed by this and happily headed back to Capalaba for take 2 of our morning out. We shopped away but as the time went on, Sophie was getting over it. She was starting to be cheeky and ratty to the extent that not even the bribery of a doughnut at the end of the shop for good behaviour could snap her out of it. Then, in the toy aisle of Kmart, we bumped into one of her beloved Kindy teachers, Miss Bernie. Sophie and Miss Bernie embraced warmly and had a good chat and giggle. It was the “pick me up” Sophie needed because after that, she was a delight to shop with. Then, walking through the shopping centre, we came across Santa! Sophie was beside herself so we lined up to have a chat to him. Our turn arrived just as the anticipation was getting all too much for Sophie...she had told me about 28 times what she was going to talk to Santa about! She raced over to Santa, jumped on his lap and chatted away like old friends (side note – the Santa at Capalaba Park is wonderful. Fake beard but an absolute treasure talking to the children with genuine interest and enthusiasm). After Sophie’s turn we headed off to complete our shopping and she made sure every human we came across new she had seen Santa. Her description is priceless...

“I got to see Santa! Mrs Santa...Mum, what's that lady's name again..? Oh yeah, that's right...Mrs Claus put my painting on the fridge because I got a letter from Santa today. I was talking to Santa and I was just shivering I was so excited”. Cute!

To top off our Christmassy day...wait a minute, another side note – the word “Christmassy” did not come up as incorrectly spelt during spell check...what the?!?!?! Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, that’s right. To top off our Christmassy day, after dinner and bath time, I took the kids (and Toby the dog) for a walk to see the Christmas lights in our local area. It was just gorgeous as the kids pointed and giggled at the light displays and we spent some time together, just the 3 of us, with no chores to do, no routine to get through, no tasks to complete. It was time spent together enjoying the moment, enjoying every last drop of the gift of the day we’d be given. Just wonderful J

The Present

I wanted to share this lovely writing with you all. It is called The Present.

Nothing happens by accident...

If one day when you woke up, you would find on your bed a beautifully wrapped present with delicate bows, you would open it before even washing your face...curious about what is inside. Maybe what you find is something you do not like very much, then you would put away the box wondering what to do with the present. But, if the next day you find another present , you would open it also and this time you find something inside that you like very much...a memory from someone that is far away...a beautiful piece of clothing you saw in a shop window...the keys to a new car...a beautiful winter coat...or just a beautiful flower from somebody that remembered you.

This happens every single day but we do not realise it. Every day when we wake up, it is there before us, a present sent to us by God...a whole day to be used in the best possible way. Sometimes it comes with problems, issues that we do not seem to be able to solve. Sometimes it comes with sadness, deception, even tears. But other times it comes full of surprises, happiness, success and achievements. What is important is that every day we do receive a present wrapped especially for us while we sleep. Each morning we are presented this box, with coloured bows, no matter what the day brings. That day, when you wake up, is a present. The present that life gives us. It is not always what we wish for or hope for, but it is the best for us, what we need most, what we have to learn, what we need to grow. Open your present every day, giving thanks first to the Creator who gave it to you, without thinking what is inside the box. If today you do not receive the present you wanted, wait for the next one but appreciate what you received today. Tomorrow, open your present with love and enthusiasm because one day your dreams and your life plan will come inside the box, beautifully wrapped for you.

Life does not care about what we want, just what about what we need, and that is good.

May you have a day full of blessings, in which you can feel the loving presence of your Creator, and may the present of every day bring you peace, spiritual growth, and enlightenment on all we still have to learn about and the plan life has for us...

Beautiful Monday

Good morning world! It’s Monday again, my favourite day of the week. A chance for a fresh start, new beginnings, a clean slate. I love Monday! I am having the most pleasant start to the day, better than I have had in a long time...

I woke at 4:30am and took my wobbly backside off to the gym. After my workout, I had this uncontrollable urge to head to Wellington Point. I am so glad I did because I have never come across a more peaceful place at that time of the morning! I got out of the car and walked out onto the jetty. It was so quiet and humbling as the rain clouds rolled in on my left and the sun beamed down on my right. Absolutely stunning! I then headed home invigorated, recharged and ready to tackle the day.

Then this morning, we have had a hassle free breakfast with no tears or tantrums...rare but delightful! Now, as I write today’s blog entry, Sophie is blowing bubbles while dancing around to Christmas carols while Elliott giggles in delight and plays with Mr Potato Head. What a beautiful start to the day! I am, however, off to do groceries soon so fingers crossed this positivity sustains! 

I hope you are all enjoying your Monday too and remember, make the most of every single day. Live it and love it! xox

Support Networks

Sorry for the delay in getting today’s blog entry up. I have actually been having a productive and pleasant morning (mark it on the calendar!) I am getting the washing sorted, the kids have been having a ball playing outside for the first time after many days of rain and generally I am just getting things in the resemblance of some sort of order. It is such a “catch 22” because when I am feeling down my house turns into a brothel, then the brothel like state of the house makes me feel so down! Geesh! But luckily, today I am putting one foot in front of the other and getting on with it. I think that has something to do with my wonderful support network...

I am truly blessed to have what I consider to be the best, the biggest and the most wonderfully reliable support network in the world. My family and friends are always there to help in any way they can whenever they can. Yesterday, I was having a shocker. My day was so bad that I didn’t even get out of my PJ’s all day (good grief!!) and I made a pavlova...then ate the entire thing (gross, I know, I’m a terrible emotional eater!!) The trouble with my emotional eating is that I don’t stock treats in the house but if I really want to indulge, I will bake something. Damn my culinary skills! Lol J Anyway, back to my revolting day, it was horrible. I was supposed to go to Mum’s Group but because I just could not face the world, I emailed the girls to let them know I wouldn’t make it. I then got on with moping around the house, half heartedly engaging with the kids and counting down the hours until nap time. Bluck! To my surprise, as I was sitting down to eat lunch, a dear dear friend of mine from Mum’s Group dropped in to see if I was OK. Other than being embarrassed about still being in my PJ’s with my unwashed hair and no bra on, I was delighted to see her. Even though I wanted to hide away from the world I think I needed that brief interaction to help snap me out of my “poor me” mood. She gave me some wise advice, lots of hugs and just the most thoughtful gesture by dropping in to check on me. I really am blessed to have such caring people in my life. So thank you dear dear friend, you know who you are J

So take the time today to really think about those important people in your life and let them know they are appreciated and loved. Or even bring to mind someone who may be in need of a phone call or a hug and reach out to them. You never know the impact that a seemingly small gesture will have on them J Love you all xox       

Sophie...mother of 5

My goodness, I am shocked at how early the fairy tale illusion of love begins! Sophie has just turned four and undoubtedly, her favourite games to play are weddings and babies. Not a day goes by that we don’t engage in each of these fantasy games at least once. Take this morning for example...

We were sitting at the bench having breakfast and Sophie began mumbling away. As she is forever talking to her imaginary friends, I tune in and out and don’t always listen with my full attention. One thing she said this morning really pricked my ears though...”Oh, I’m just talking to my husband. We can talk about everything, don’t we honey. We just love each other”. Where on Earth does a 4 year old get the notion that a husband and wife talk about everything...? It is certainly not from Mat and I leading by example, that’s for sure. On the off chance he is home when the kids are awake, the most we talk about are housekeeping topics such as bills, kids and work. Nothing grand there!

Then there is her idea of babies. Just yesterday we were playing doctors where I was the doctor and Soph was the pregnant lady checking  in for her caesarean (having had an emergency caesar with Soph and planned caesar with Elliott, I can very easily explain where babies come from in my case J). Sophie delivered five babies at once...two girls, two boys and a puppy. She was very thoughtful gestating a puppy because as soon as they were all born, she sent them all off to play with the puppy and got on with whatever she wanted to do. There might be something to this line of thinking!    

Finally is her most bizarre idea that “girls don’t go to work, just boys”. Oh hell no! I am amazed that she has this thought in her beautiful little head because while I am a stay at home mum, every other female in her life, from her grandparents to her aunties, all go to work. Also, I am always telling her about my work as a teacher before I had her and Elliott and I make no secret of the fact that I will be going back to work when her and Elliott are at school (probably sooner...damn rising cost of living!) I can tolerate the daily weddings and birthing of countless babies but I draw the line at this one. No child of mine is going to have this outdated belief that women stay home to have babies and men go to work! Let operation “retrain Sophie’s line of thinking” begin...wish me luck! J

Wind beneath my...skirt

Hmmm, what to talk about today? Oh yeah, that’s right...screw you happiness! I naively thought that my antidepressants are kicking in so all my problems are solved. Pah! I have found that I am feeling quite content most of the time but things that get me down really get me down. Then of course, once down, picking myself back up is quite a lot of work! Take yesterday for example...

The day started out OK. I mowed the lawns, washed the dog and felt like I was finally going to have a productive day to get some tasks crossed off my to do list! Then I got a phone call from Mat regarding more dramas with our bloody rental property (seriously, sometimes I wish that place would spontaneously combust and save us a whole lot of hassles!) I then spent the next hour on the phone trying to sort that rubbish out and cursing Mat’s useless brother once again. This, of course put me down in the dumps and even worse, behind schedule. By now it is lunch time and I still have a few errands to run. I bundle the kids in the car and we head to the Post Office. The weather yesterday was so windy and in hindsight I should not have worn that gorgeous satin wrap skirt, but unfortunately it was the only clean thing I could find that was suitable to wear in public. Juggling Elliott, Sophie, the nappy bag and a skirt intent on tickling my ear lobes, I stagger into the Post Office a little bit frustrated with the world. Then Sophie started talking on her pretend phone and I was literally holding my breath. Why you ask? Because she imitates me on the phone and that particular morning, I was not using very nice language when I was talking to Mat about the rental property dramas. Thank goodness she was only cursing the wind blowing her skirt up, as I had done on our way into the Post Office. Task complete and I then struggled back to the car trying to maintain some dignity with my unruly skirt. All that went out the window when I was leaning in the car buckling Elliott’s belt. A huge gust of wind bellowed in and up went my skirt, baring my huge arse and holy washing day undies to the whole car park. Even better, it was lunch time so there were only about a million people there! I hurriedly finished buckling the kids in the car and dove into the drivers seat to make a fast escape. Unfortunately, the same battle ensued at the petrol station, at which point I abandoned any more errands for the day and returned to the relative shelter of home.

I hope today is a better day and I now have a few more errands on my list...buy new undies so I can throw out embarrassingly holy washing day undies and also buy some table cloth weights to weigh down my satin skirt.

Eveloution of Understanding

This is a cute story that I simply have to share. It is the evolution of Sophie's understanding of Mat's job as a carpenter.

As you know, Sophie can talk in a tank full of water, immersed in wet cement and with a mouthful of marbles, so it's no surprise that she was talking in full sentences quite early on. At around the age of 2, she would say that Daddy goes to work to have chippy's. It took me some time to work out what she meant by this. I mean, I know I would harp on at Mat about taking lunch instead of buying rubbish take away food, but surely she didn't have the insight to assume Mat was buying chips at work! Then it dawned on me...we refer to Mat as a "Chippy", the slang term for carpenter. It all made sense after that light bulb moment!

Then there is Sophie's understanding of Mat's work now. She proudly declares that he builds houses but she brought a new piece of information to the table just the other day. We were driving along and Sophie starts talking about Mat. "Daddy's at work darling, he'll be home later" she informs her imaginary friend, Munchkin. There was a bit of mumbling from the back seat then Sophie pipes up "Does Daddy shit houses?"....."What?!? What did you say" I asked. "Does Daddy shit houses?" she repeated in slow well pronounced words. I got the giggles on then, visualising Mat pooping little monopoly houses but composed myself long enough to clarify what Sophie meant. She was a little tongue tied but eventually managed to correct herself by saying "Shift houses. Does Daddy shift houses?" Through fits of laughter I confirmed her understanding of Mat's job and she carried on proudly talking to Munchkin about her Daddy.

Quite frankly, I don't care if Mate eats chips and shits houses, as long as he enjoys his work and it pays the bills, he can do whatever he pleases :)     

Chaos Headquarters

Good morning everyone J Monday again and the beginning of another busy busy week. Seriously, all I want for Christmas is a week off!!!! But that isn’t going to happen so I have asked Mat for a hair straightener instead. Speaking of Mat, he is the one I want to talk about today. Not a husband bashing session, but more of an “Oh my God, did you really just say that Matthew?!?” kind of moment...

On Saturday, Mat and I went out to tidy up the gardens at our rental property, which was an insanely massive job! It shouldn’t have been a massive job because we had Mat’s moronic younger brother living at the property for months to look after it, but evidently, pulling weeds and maintaining a garden is rocket science and therefore impossible for someone with low cognitive functioning like Andy. Anyway, back on track, Mat and I were doing the yard work and we actually had a really lovely day hanging out together. We were laughing, joking, having fun and enjoying being just “Mat and Kate” instead of Mum and Dad. We were heading to the tip with our third load for the afternoon when I told Mat how much I’d enjoyed spending the day with him and that he was actually quite fun to hang out with. This is a huge contrast to the tired, grumpy, non communicative Mat that graces us with his presence daily. He then tells me “This is what I am like every day” to which I explained that it is not a side of him that he shares with the kids and I. A conversation followed on from there that resulted in Mat telling me that he doesn’t really look forward to coming home and feels kind of anxious about coming home at the end of the day. Insert silence here....I was speechless! Way to make me feel good Mat! He explained that home is just too chaotic...well of course it’s freakin chaotic, we have a 4 year old and 1 year old!!! Honestly, I don’t know what he expects it to be like because quite frankly, he leaves for work and comes home when all the work is done. Sure he might have to bath the kids once in a while or brush their teeth and put them to bed, but this is nothing compared to the chaos involved in getting through every day! I was just stunned by what he said and, as you can imagine, that put an end to the fun, laughing, happy time we were having. Unbelievable!

I really have to fly...Elliott is climbing from the lounge to the coffee table and back while Sophie and the dog, Toby, race around the house in circles. I have my Crowded House CD playing loudly to drown out some noise but I can still hear Toby barking with Sophie and Elliott laughing and squealing in delight. Chaos? What chaos? I don’t know what Mat is talking about J     

Fabulous Friday

Well, here we are at the end of my week of choosing to be happy. I can certainly say there were times when that choice went flying out the window at such speed you would have missed it if you’d blinked! Overall though, this week I have been feeling better than usual, which is just wonderful!! So here are a few things I have done this week in an effort to improve my happiness rating...

On Monday, I went to the doctor and got my prescription for antidepressants. I am very pleased to report that while I am not exactly in my happy place, I can feel that the “edge” is no longer there. That feeling like I am going to snap at any minute has eased and I have even noticed I am not walking around with my shoulders tensed so much they meet my ears! So the drugs are doing their job and I will be back to my old self in no time J

Also on Monday, I rejoined the gym. Everyday this week, I have woken at 4:30am and headed off for a workout. I am feeling fabulous for it, and the endorphin release is undoubtedly helping me to feel a little better...but good grief, 4:30am is bloody early! It is, however, the only time of the day that I can carve out some “me time” and be guaranteed Mat will be home to watch the kids. Thank goodness it’s summer and daylight at 4:30am...winter will be a different story!

The third thing I did to improve my happiness rating was buying a calcite crystal from Church on Sunday night. I was browsing the tables and was really drawn to this particular crystal. I was going to leave it but it kept nagging at me. When I decided I simply had to have it, I discovered that calcite helps balance your emotions, and aids in dealing with anxiety and depression. It also helps you learn your life’s purpose and promotes happiness. Coincidence? I think not J So I have my little calcite crystal on the bench and handle it many times throughout the day. Who knows if it is actually making a difference but at this point, I will try anything to get out of this depression slump!!

The final thing I did to up the happiness ante was setting up the Christmas tree last night as a family (the dog included too of course). It was such a special experience as Sophie was a huge contributor this year. The tree now has every decoration we own on it and you can certainly tell it is the work of a 4y/o but I absolutely love it. That’s what makes it our special tree as opposed to one of those stunningly perfect trees that you see in the magazines. After we set it up, topped it with the star and turned the lights on, we all sat on the lounge room floor and had a big kiss and cuddle-a-thon as a family. It was just so special and certainly one for the memory bank J

So that’s that. I made it through the week on random waves of happiness and I imagine it will only get better from here. Hope you all have a lovely weekend and I will talk to you all next week xox

That's Quote-tastic!

Good morning everyone J Yesterday’s positivity lasted about 4 hours...there is nothing like grocery shopping with a wonky trolley and fussy kids to put you in a bad mood! But today is a new day and I have made the choice to be happy once again. I thought today I would share some quotes with you that I absolutely love and I hope that you can draw some inspiration from them too. God knows this first quote is helping me drag my wobbly arse out of bed at 4:30am each day to go to the gym!

”If you continue to do what you have always done, you will continue to have what you have always had. If you do different, you will have different”. Dr Phil (I absolutely LOVE Dr Phil).

“Don’t let the fear of the time it will take to accomplish something stand in the way of you doing it. The time will pass anyway so you might as well put that time to the best possible use”.

“There’s nothing you’ve ever been successful at that you didn’t work on every day”.

“It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness”. Chinese Proverb.

“Don’t ask for a light load, but rather ask for a strong back”.

“Don’t borrow anxiety from the future”.

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference”.

Those are just a few quotes that often stick in my mind. I am a big one for inspirational writings and quotes so if you have any that tickle your fancy, I would love for you to share them with me J I hope these positive quotes help you have a happy day. After my workout this morning, I have a few more hours of riding the endorphin train of happiness but after that, who knows!?!?  

PS - Just as I was typing today’s blog, my neighbour popped up to borrow some cake tins. Naturally I would have a visitor at 7am this morning because I have Sophie watching TV so I can type this (bad Mummy points there, TV at 7am!), yesterday’s groceries are still on the family room floor, there’s sausage under the bench from Elliott’s dinner (I take it Mat didn’t let the dog inside to vacuum the floor last night), there are dishes adorning the bench, toys everywhere and piles of washing waiting for the fairies. Why do people only drop in when the house looks like a brothel and never when I have cleaned it?!? Sigh. Happy, happy, happy!!

  

Elliott's Antics

In the interest of keeping the happy theme going this week, whether I am feeling that way or not, I thought I would share some photos of Elliott that bring a smile to my face. I am pleased to report however, that I am actually feeling quite happy today. Not busting out of my skin with enthusiasm, but happy enough that I haven't been yelling at Sophie and I have even had a smile and a giggle with the kids over breakfast. I can feel it in my bones, today is going to be a good day J Anyway, as I was saying, Sophie was the star of yesterdays’ blog entry so I thought today I would showcase my handsome little man, Elliott. Depending on who you are talking to, he is also known as Lottie, Elroy, E, Porky Boy, Porkus McCorcus, Porky Porky Porkmister and the list goes on J

Recently, Elliott has become quite the adventurous little thing. He is in no rush to walk but will happily climb everything in sight! Just yesterday, we were playing outside when Elliott decided the slide looked like a good place to play. Before I could blink he had scaled the bloody thing and climbed right to the top of the playground! He only turned 1 last month! It is quite a shock to me because Sophie didn't do anything adventurous like that until she was about 3 years old, but Elliott is literally climbing everything in sight. That brings me to the photos below...

This is a picture of Elliott climbing up on Sophie's "cooking chair". Whenever I bake, I push a dining room chair up to the bench so Sophie can cook too. I was recently cleaning the kitchen after making biscuits when this little head pops up on over the edge of the bench. It was one very proud looking little boy! Although, in this photo, he has that "Oh shit she caught me" look about him.  

This next photo is of Elliott climbing up on Sophie's bathroom step. I couldn't resist snapping a photo of his cheeky bum sticking out from under his shirt. And you can see from the side shot of his face that he is absolutely beaming with pleasure at being able to climb the step. Cutie!

 

Now this is the incident that gave me the biggest heart attack. I was cleaning the kitchen, again (story of my life) and Elliott and Sophie were quite happily playing in the lounge/dining area. I was listening out but not really paying attention (some days, unless they are screaming or bleeding, you tend to tune out a bit in order to save your sanity!!!) Anyway, I glanced in because I could hear Elliott giggling away, only to discover he was crawling across the table! Again, he looked so proud of himself.

 

I have to add that while I have been trying to type this morning's entry, Elliott has had two falling injuries. He climbed onto Sophie's craft table chair and promptly took a face first dive onto the tiles. Then, just now, he tried climbing up Sophie's bathroom step, which she had placed in front of the toy shelf, only to fall backwards and bang his head on the tiles. When we write our letters to Santa today, I think Elliott ought to ask for a stack hat!! Have a lovely day everyone J 

Short and Sweet

After yesterdays little hiccup, I am back on track today with my choice to be happy. I got my prescription yesterday for antidepressants so fingers crossed in the next few weeks I will be back to happy, funny Kate, instead of Buzz Killington Kate. Thanks for sticking with me while I've shared the dark times ladies (and gentlemen too of course!!) And also, welcome to all my new readers and followers, so pleased to be sharing this journey with you!! Just a short and sweet one today with some more super cute "Sophieisms". She makes me laugh so much and I thought it might make you all a smile too J

I was putting Soph in the car and she asked a random question (one of the 437 questions asked by your average 4 year old per day!) I gave my explanation to which she remarks "That makes ten cents". lol, I believe she meant that makes sense. 

You know the old saying "Back to the drawing board"? Well according to Sophie's it's "Back to the ironing board".

Every night while I prepare dinner Elliott carries on like a pork chop. I simply say to him "You can fuss 'till the cows come home, dinner will be ready when it's ready". We sat down to breakfast one morning and Elliott was having a giggle in his highchair. Sophie then tells Elliott "You can laugh now, the cows come home". Hilarious!

There is a Hi-5 song in which they sing "rest you weary head". Sophie interpretation is "rest your wee wee head". She honestly has no idea that weary is even a word. Well, she does now, I promptly correct her on that one.

I had made love heart shaped biscuits and Sophie desperately wanted to eat one. She tried her sales pitch stating "If I can eat one of those biscuits then I will be full of love". Clever thinking!

Sophie was pleading with me to buy her chippy's when we were out one day but I kept refusing. She then says in a very unimpressed voice "Mummy's don't buy junk food but Daddy's do every time! I want my Daddy".

Those are just a few of the cute and entertaining things Sophie has recently said. Hope they made you smile J Yay for choosing to be happy today!

Fake it 'till you feel it

My motto this week is going to be "fake it 'till you feel it". I am going to ooze positivity in an effort to keep my spirits high. So, good morning everyone J I was at Church last night and the whole theme of the evening was about happiness. I have been attending this Spiritual Church for about a year now and it still amazes me that every address/reading/service is so relevant to my own circumstances! What I have taken away from last nights service is that happiness is a choice we make each and every day. Only we chose how we react to our circumstances and we can chose to either be positive or negative about things. Now, I realise this is a wonderful theory and practical application is a little more challenging, especially when you are feeling as down an depressed as I am. So my choice to be happy today certainly wont cure me and make my life wonderful all of the sudden, but at least it will give me a little more "oomph" to cope with what the day throws at me. Take this morning for example... 

I was giving Elliott his bottle in our bed. I always have a "spew towel" ready to mop up his milk dribbles but for some reason I just didn't do that this morning. Naturally, Elliott decided to vomit in my bed after finishing his bottle, something he hasn't done since he was about 6 months old! So instead of curling up in a ball and crying, I am looking on the bright side. The sun is out, the breeze is brewing thus making it a perfect day for drying sheets. Plus, clean sheet night is undoubtedly my most favourite night of the week (well, more like the fortnight or every three weeks, rarely do I get to wash the sheets every week!). Nothing like clean fresh linen to help you drift off to sleep. Yay for the bright side. 

Then there is the happy fact that the kids slept in until 6am!!!!!! Now that is a bright start to the day J

Amazing how much things can turn around in a heartbeat. I finished typing the above sentence then had to leave the computer to tend to the kids and get us all ready for the day. In that time, I have changed my tune to "screw you happiness". I have done nothing but yell at Sophie for her poor behaviour. She has made a HUGE mess with baby food for her Baby Alive doll simply because she would not wait until I had finished changing Elliott for me to help her. I have just gone to get Sophie's detangle hair spray from her bedroom only to find she has poured it out everywhere (attempting to get it in her cup) so she could spray her room and make it smell nice. I am beyond furious about that because firstly, it costs a fortune and secondly, the major supermarkets and chemists don't stock this brand anymore and I can only get it from Toys R Us stores, none of which are close by my house AT ALL. The reason I have to get this brand is because none of the others work in her thick hair. But you know what, that's it, she can just have knotty hair and suffer through it being brushed. No more detangle spray if she is just going to pour it out. So furious! Then there is the fact she wont leave her poor brother alone so all I keep hearing is Elliott crying and whinging because Soph is in his face. I keep telling her to leave him alone but she wont so I have sent her outside before I throttle her. I don't care what she is doing, she can be in Mat's shed playing with screwdrivers and saw blades for all I care this morning, just so long as she isn't under my feet pissing me off! 

Sigh, well I tried that happiness is a choice rubbish, perhaps tomorrow morning will be more successful. Thank God I have been able to get my doctors appointment moved forward to today!     

Post Natal Depression

I mentioned at the end of yesterdays blog entry that I have an appointment pending with my GP to look at going back on antidepressants. Then it dawned on me that I don’t think I have even mentioned that topic in my blog before! Oops. So today, I thought I would share a little bit about this part of my life with you all. Post Natal Depression. Here goes...

As I have mentioned more than once, Elliott was an extremely difficult baby. He cried day and night, barely sleeping and never for more than 45 minutes at a time. This of course meant that I was never sleeping. Combine that with recovering from a difficult caesarean delivery whereby I lost a tonne of blood, mastitis, cracked and bleeding nipples from a horrible breastfeeding relationship with Elliott and it was just a recipe for disaster. That was the birth of my bout with Post Natal Depression. I had never had depression before and wanted another baby more than anything in the world, so it was quite a shock to realise that I was suffering from PND. Thankfully, after my “psychotic episode” as Mat calls it, I sought help and got things under control pretty quickly.

Oh, you want to know more about the above mentioned “psychotic episode” that I glossed over? Ok, I’ll tell you, but it is just between you, me and the back fence...not my proudest moment. Elliott was having one of those rare nap things that I’d read about in a pretentious perfect parenting book (one day, I will write a parenting book that actually makes Mum’s feel good about parenting and not make them feel like they are failing because their child doesn’t follow the perfect pattern described in these unrealistic books). Mat was home on this particular day and we desperately needed groceries. More desperately, I wanted to get out of the house so we agreed that I would go to the supermarket and Mat would stay home with the kids. Sophie begged and pleaded to come with me and I agreed, on one condition: that she sat in the trolley seat without complaint. “Oh yes, yes Mum. I will” she promised. Off we went, headed into the supermarket and chose a trolley. I lifted Sophie up so she could sit in the seat but sure enough, in true Sophie form, she kept her legs stiff and refused to sit down. Through gritted teeth and with a firm grip on her arm I demanded that she sit her backside down in that trolley. It was no use, she rates higher on the stubborn scale than I do. So I ripped her out of the trolley, left it where it stood, gripping Sophie’s arm I battled my way back out of those one way automatic opening gates (stupid things), marched back out to the car, buckled her in, got in my seat, closed the door and it was on. I just began screaming and yelling at her. My throat hurt, the veins in my neck and head bulged to the point of near explosion and I just kept yelling. I yelled at her all the way home, into the garage, out of the car and into the house. I kept yelling at her while I threw her onto her bed and ripped all of the toys out of her bedroom. I remember saying “This will teach you not to listen to me. No more toys!” and the ranting and raving continued until I had cleared her room of toys. I slammed her door and came out to a very confused looking Mat. I screamed at him about what had happened, told him he can have his f%#@ing children and I am out of here. I went through the garage door, slamming it hard behind me, I got in my car and then completely lost it. I was a sobbing mess. I couldn’t even coordinate myself to put the keys in the ignition so I wasn’t going anywhere. I just sat there, head on the steering wheel and sobbed my little heart out. Mat, confused about whether he should tend to me or Sophie eventually came to see if I was OK. Clearly I wasn’t. It was then that I realised there was something wrong with me because it is not normal to hate your children and wish you had never had them. That was how I was feeling and I blamed Mat for impregnating me too of course. I was a mess! The rest of that particular day I stayed in my bed, crying and crying and told Mat to keep the kids away from me and only bring Elliott in when he needed a feed. It was just horrible. Recalling it now has me in tears!

So that was my “psychotic episode”. An absolutely pivotal point in my life that I feel needed to happen to be my light bulb moment. From that point, I promptly sought help firstly from my GP who put me on antidepressants (they made my hair fall out but I figured I could be bald and happy or miserable with luscious locks), then I sought help from a brilliant counsellor who facilitated some great changes in me and finally from a Spiritual Centre that I know frequently attend (more on that side of my life later). It has been an ongoing healing process but I feel like I am back in the slums of depression (bluck!) I have tried to talk my way out of it, plan my way out of it, organise my way out of it and act my way out of it, but to no avail. Damn chemical imbalance! So back to square one and the healing process begins again. At least this time I am more aware of the depression and no psychotic episode has had to occur before seeking help!   

There it is, it’s out there now. Goodbye Mother of the Year Award J

I can't think of a witty title today...

I don’t want to do today. I want to call in sick. Who has the phone number on calling in sick for a Motherhood gig...? Somebody...? Anybody...? Nobody! That’s right, because we can never take a day off even if we want to! I knew it all had to come crashing down as I have had two reasonably nice days in a row. I must have peaked yesterday and am now feeling so exhausted and grumpy, coming off my high I guess. This is how I know it is going to be a feral day:

-          My essential to do list is longer than the amount of free hours I have available today.

-          When I heard Sophie’s voice for the first time this morning it pierced through my skull. Good god child, all of my waking hours are filled with the sound of your voice! She NEVER stops talking!!!

-          It is 6am and Sophie is watching TV. She is a total feral if she watches TV in the morning but as I said, I don’t want to do today so the TV is going to babysit her as much as possible. She still talks while watching TV but thankfully a whole lot less!

-          I cringed when I heard Elliott’s whingy morning wake up. Apart from the fact that it is just way too freakin early at 4:50am, he is a fidgety pain in the backside to give a bottle to. He wants his bottle, drinks it all up in fact, but he kicks and pushes and just acts like a total pain in the arse EVERY time. Even when I breastfed him he would act like he was riding a bull by waving his arm in the air. If I held his arm still he would wave his leg in the air instead. Fidgetty pain in the bum. I hate it. Once we get through Christmas, the bottles are going!   

-          The weather is rubbish and I have about 4 loads of washing to do. Plus sheets!

-          Last nights dishes are still adorning the kitchen bench. Stupid cleaning fairies have never received my change of address form since moving out of Mum's place.

So all in all, it is going to be a less than grand day. I have already tried positively self talking myself out of it blah blah freakin blah. It hasn’t worked. My appointment with the GP about going back on antidepressants can’t get here quick enough!!!!

Happy Days

I woke up this morning and decided today was going to be a happy day. The best part is...it has been!! I have two speeds, flat out and stop, so understandably, I function best on flat out. The day has panned out that way indeed...

The race began to be out the door by 8am to do the groceries. In my haste with getting through breakfast, I spilt Elliott’s soggy Weetbix all over the bench. Not to worry, it is going to be a happy day J Breakfast done, all dressed and ready and we were out the door at 8am on the dot. Woot! I hooned through the supermarket as I had to be at swimming lessons by 9:30am (Sophie’s lessons, not mine, I can already swim) The only trouble was, everyone was up for a chat! The deli lady, the old people, the Fruit Shop lady, even the trolley boy!! I smiled, laughed, engaged and gave the very obvious body language that I was in a hurry. Thankfully, I made it home with just enough time to unpack the cold groceries, pack the swimming bag, whip up morning tea and race back out the door to swimming. I was five minutes late for Soph’s lesson but not to worry, happy day J

After swimming, the kids stayed for a play at a friends’ house while I went to do a spot of warehouse shopping for crafty supplies. I tried programming the GPS but it was playing up like a second hand lawnmower.  I smashed it on the dashboard a few times in an effort to amend its shortcomings, but to no avail. I did however successfully break the plastic off the top corner, but I figure this was a good outcome considering I wanted to throw it out the window. Happy day J    

Home again after shopping and I have been elbow deep in chores and tending to the kids. I still need to get some sewing done to make an outfit for Sophie’s Kindy concert, mop the floors, do the washing and get dinner on but that can wait. Right now, the kids and I are off for a swim with the neighbours and there is an ice cold gin and tonic calling my name (well aware that it is around 3:30pm). Happy day J   

Getting Organised

I have mentioned before that I thrive on organisation and order. As we all know, however, with children in tow, this is a difficult and often futile pursuit. Today I thought I would share with you a few signs that you (or perhaps even I J) need to consider the possibility that the organisational department needs an overhaul...

• You bring groceries into the house only to realise that there are still bags on the floor from when you did the shopping three days ago. 
• You go to the supermarket every three days!
• You put an important item right in the door way to ensure you remember to take it with you when you leave the following morning. However, when you leave, you simply step over said item and keep on waltzing.
• You can't stand that gritty feel of the un-vacuumed floor under your feet. Instead of, well, vacuuming it, you don a pair of thongs. Problem solved! No more gritty feeling J
• You wake up one morning and begin celebrating your child's birthday. When you venture into the kitchen and see the calendar, you realise you've made a terrible mistake...their birthday is actually tomorrow! No choice but to keep on celebrating. (True story, it happened to a dear dear friend of mine who is a wonderful mother, albeit an exhausted one).
• You go through the evening routine (we all know the one, where we are rushing through the tasks to get the kids in bed on time!!) You get the kids bathed, dressed and ready for bed then give the command "All right kids, brush your teeth and it's off to bed". There is an uproar from the wee ones and they remark in horror "But you haven't given us our dinner yet!!!" (Also a true story that happened to a friend of a friend of mine).

So these are just a few signs that a little more organisation may be needed. I have no hints or tips on implementing any actual organisation I am afraid. After all, I am six modules behind in my course on becoming more organised so perhaps I am not the best authority to be giving advice on this subject! lol J