It is going to be one of those days! The kids seem to have done a little swap over night and it has me despairing as to why they can't both be angelic on the same day?!? Sophie is being a right royal pain in the backside with ears that are painted on and the attitude of a 16year old with PMS. Elliott on the other hand, greeted me with love, smiles and cuddles this morning and has done nothing but smile and giggle for the past couple of hours. Such a treat! So today will be what I refer to as a "behaviour modification day" for Sophie because if you give this child an inch of leeway, she runs a mile and we end up here with a ratbag on our hands. So in light of this, maybe in today's post I will talk about my thoughts on discipline...
As with all elements of parenting, there is no "right" way to discipline but there are certainly truck loads of wrong ways to do it. Take last night for example, the kids were fussing and carrying on fighting in the bath and I got so fed up that I just started screaming and shouting...not ideal and perhaps swaying towards the "wrong" way to discipline. I'm not beating myself up about it because we all lose the plot several times a week, what I am doing is taking stock of my own behaviour/thoughts/feelings and reassessing my discipline style. So here is where I am at: I believe discipline involves a balance of both consequences for negative behaviour and rewards for positive behaviour. You simply have to have a mix of both otherwise the results could be pretty extreme...low self esteem for a child that heard nothing but criticism and consequences or a child thinking the sun shines out their backside (more than normal) for constants praise and rewards. It really is a fine balancing act!
To decide on what techniques you will use for discipline, you have to find your child's currency and unfortunately what works for one may not work for the other! I have found what works best for Sophie is "time out" for poor behaviour because she hates not getting any attention (first child syndrome much?? lol). When it comes to smacking, I am certainly not against the idea but I find that it doesn't work exceptionally well for Sophie. Every now and again it is totally called for though and works a treat but as for being a regular discipline technique, it really doesn't get the desired results with Sophie. Elliott on the other hand hates getting a smack on the bum. If he is doing the wrong thing he is usually just moved away from whatever it is, but when he is being particularly naughty (like throwing the chairs at the craft table or throwing his food on the floor in a tantrum) he gets a smack on the bum or hand and is sent on his way. I imagine timeouts will eventually come for him but for now, this is the extent of it.
So the other side of this is of course positive rewards. Sophie has a sticker chart and after she earns a certain number, she gets to chose a reward from the surprise basket. The basket is filled with goodies from the cheap shop and has everything from crafty supplies and necklaces to books and water bombs...whatever interests her at the time. Elliott is obviously too young for a rewards chart but the technique I use for him (and Sophie) are praise, love and words of affirmation. I am forever telling my children how loved they are, how well they are doing something, how kind they are being etc etc. Couple these words with lots of cuddles, high fives, thumbs up and cheering and you will see your child beam with pride and be eager to please you with great behaviour again. It makes you feel good too :)
Lastly, there is the old bribery and corruption that simply can't be forgotten. Take right now for example...I have been constantly interrupted by my kids while typing this post so I just resorted to getting them each a lolly to give me five minutes to finish this off in peace. My best advice in this area is don't feel guilty! It took me a while to cotton onto this trick but now I simply wouldn't be without it.
What do you do for discipline or what do you remember from your childhood?
Kate xox
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