Make-up day

I totally jinxed myself yesterday by writing how uneventful chaos headquarters had been. Silly me!

Soph wouldn't have a nap, nor would she dare to dabble with the idea of having a quiet rest. Come 5pm and the results were a tired and cranky four year old and an even more worn out and cranky Mum! I had a fight with Mat when he got home because seconds after I told him how exhausted I was and how pleased I was that he was home early enough to give me hand, he said he was going out again. Agggghhhhh! Men, who would have them?!?!?! So, after he left, I prepared dinner in a very pissed off mood and he came home in time to join the kids and I to eat it. Naturally, the kids fussed and carried on the whole time with Soph refusing to eat her rice and vegies and Elliott just throwing his food and drink EVERYWHERE! Then it happened...

I snapped. I lost my shit. I yelled at the kids how about how fed up I was with bending over backwards for them day in and day out and that they are so ungrateful for everything I do (in hindsight, of course they are ungrateful...they are kids!) I carried on like a total pork chop and as you can imagine, Soph was pretty devastated...Elliott on the other hand didn't seem to care at all. I stormed out of the dining room and Mat tried to comfort Sophie. While I was sitting in the other room, steaming, Mat asked Sophie why she was feeling so sad. What she said next absolutely broke my heart. Through tears and sobbing, she whimpered to Mat "Mummy doesn't want me anymore". Oh my God. I burst into tears and started the process of beating myself up for being the most horrible mother on Earth. I have never told Sophie that I don't want her and it breaks my heart that losing my temper resulted in her feeling that way. Mother of the Year moment, once again. 

Needless to say, today shall be spent making sure the kids know that there is nothing in the World more important to me than them. The focus will be on speaking calmly, smiling profusely, laughing, hugging, kissing and playing with them all day. Whatever I am doing, I shall stop to give them the attention they require...for example, while I have been typing this post, I have stopped several times to read books to Elliott, jump on the exercise trampoline with Sophie and set up a construction activity with blocks and tools for them both to enjoy. 

It is extremely exhausting that there is never a moment that you can let your guard down and take a day off from being a good Mum. But on the flip side, it is extremely awesome that I get to wake up every day to the smile and love from two beautiful children and I am blessed with the opportunity to be a good Mum again. Bring on the make-up day :)