Elliott's Antics

In the interest of keeping the happy theme going this week, whether I am feeling that way or not, I thought I would share some photos of Elliott that bring a smile to my face. I am pleased to report however, that I am actually feeling quite happy today. Not busting out of my skin with enthusiasm, but happy enough that I haven't been yelling at Sophie and I have even had a smile and a giggle with the kids over breakfast. I can feel it in my bones, today is going to be a good day J Anyway, as I was saying, Sophie was the star of yesterdays’ blog entry so I thought today I would showcase my handsome little man, Elliott. Depending on who you are talking to, he is also known as Lottie, Elroy, E, Porky Boy, Porkus McCorcus, Porky Porky Porkmister and the list goes on J

Recently, Elliott has become quite the adventurous little thing. He is in no rush to walk but will happily climb everything in sight! Just yesterday, we were playing outside when Elliott decided the slide looked like a good place to play. Before I could blink he had scaled the bloody thing and climbed right to the top of the playground! He only turned 1 last month! It is quite a shock to me because Sophie didn't do anything adventurous like that until she was about 3 years old, but Elliott is literally climbing everything in sight. That brings me to the photos below...

This is a picture of Elliott climbing up on Sophie's "cooking chair". Whenever I bake, I push a dining room chair up to the bench so Sophie can cook too. I was recently cleaning the kitchen after making biscuits when this little head pops up on over the edge of the bench. It was one very proud looking little boy! Although, in this photo, he has that "Oh shit she caught me" look about him.  

This next photo is of Elliott climbing up on Sophie's bathroom step. I couldn't resist snapping a photo of his cheeky bum sticking out from under his shirt. And you can see from the side shot of his face that he is absolutely beaming with pleasure at being able to climb the step. Cutie!

 

Now this is the incident that gave me the biggest heart attack. I was cleaning the kitchen, again (story of my life) and Elliott and Sophie were quite happily playing in the lounge/dining area. I was listening out but not really paying attention (some days, unless they are screaming or bleeding, you tend to tune out a bit in order to save your sanity!!!) Anyway, I glanced in because I could hear Elliott giggling away, only to discover he was crawling across the table! Again, he looked so proud of himself.

 

I have to add that while I have been trying to type this morning's entry, Elliott has had two falling injuries. He climbed onto Sophie's craft table chair and promptly took a face first dive onto the tiles. Then, just now, he tried climbing up Sophie's bathroom step, which she had placed in front of the toy shelf, only to fall backwards and bang his head on the tiles. When we write our letters to Santa today, I think Elliott ought to ask for a stack hat!! Have a lovely day everyone J 

Short and Sweet

After yesterdays little hiccup, I am back on track today with my choice to be happy. I got my prescription yesterday for antidepressants so fingers crossed in the next few weeks I will be back to happy, funny Kate, instead of Buzz Killington Kate. Thanks for sticking with me while I've shared the dark times ladies (and gentlemen too of course!!) And also, welcome to all my new readers and followers, so pleased to be sharing this journey with you!! Just a short and sweet one today with some more super cute "Sophieisms". She makes me laugh so much and I thought it might make you all a smile too J

I was putting Soph in the car and she asked a random question (one of the 437 questions asked by your average 4 year old per day!) I gave my explanation to which she remarks "That makes ten cents". lol, I believe she meant that makes sense. 

You know the old saying "Back to the drawing board"? Well according to Sophie's it's "Back to the ironing board".

Every night while I prepare dinner Elliott carries on like a pork chop. I simply say to him "You can fuss 'till the cows come home, dinner will be ready when it's ready". We sat down to breakfast one morning and Elliott was having a giggle in his highchair. Sophie then tells Elliott "You can laugh now, the cows come home". Hilarious!

There is a Hi-5 song in which they sing "rest you weary head". Sophie interpretation is "rest your wee wee head". She honestly has no idea that weary is even a word. Well, she does now, I promptly correct her on that one.

I had made love heart shaped biscuits and Sophie desperately wanted to eat one. She tried her sales pitch stating "If I can eat one of those biscuits then I will be full of love". Clever thinking!

Sophie was pleading with me to buy her chippy's when we were out one day but I kept refusing. She then says in a very unimpressed voice "Mummy's don't buy junk food but Daddy's do every time! I want my Daddy".

Those are just a few of the cute and entertaining things Sophie has recently said. Hope they made you smile J Yay for choosing to be happy today!

Fake it 'till you feel it

My motto this week is going to be "fake it 'till you feel it". I am going to ooze positivity in an effort to keep my spirits high. So, good morning everyone J I was at Church last night and the whole theme of the evening was about happiness. I have been attending this Spiritual Church for about a year now and it still amazes me that every address/reading/service is so relevant to my own circumstances! What I have taken away from last nights service is that happiness is a choice we make each and every day. Only we chose how we react to our circumstances and we can chose to either be positive or negative about things. Now, I realise this is a wonderful theory and practical application is a little more challenging, especially when you are feeling as down an depressed as I am. So my choice to be happy today certainly wont cure me and make my life wonderful all of the sudden, but at least it will give me a little more "oomph" to cope with what the day throws at me. Take this morning for example... 

I was giving Elliott his bottle in our bed. I always have a "spew towel" ready to mop up his milk dribbles but for some reason I just didn't do that this morning. Naturally, Elliott decided to vomit in my bed after finishing his bottle, something he hasn't done since he was about 6 months old! So instead of curling up in a ball and crying, I am looking on the bright side. The sun is out, the breeze is brewing thus making it a perfect day for drying sheets. Plus, clean sheet night is undoubtedly my most favourite night of the week (well, more like the fortnight or every three weeks, rarely do I get to wash the sheets every week!). Nothing like clean fresh linen to help you drift off to sleep. Yay for the bright side. 

Then there is the happy fact that the kids slept in until 6am!!!!!! Now that is a bright start to the day J

Amazing how much things can turn around in a heartbeat. I finished typing the above sentence then had to leave the computer to tend to the kids and get us all ready for the day. In that time, I have changed my tune to "screw you happiness". I have done nothing but yell at Sophie for her poor behaviour. She has made a HUGE mess with baby food for her Baby Alive doll simply because she would not wait until I had finished changing Elliott for me to help her. I have just gone to get Sophie's detangle hair spray from her bedroom only to find she has poured it out everywhere (attempting to get it in her cup) so she could spray her room and make it smell nice. I am beyond furious about that because firstly, it costs a fortune and secondly, the major supermarkets and chemists don't stock this brand anymore and I can only get it from Toys R Us stores, none of which are close by my house AT ALL. The reason I have to get this brand is because none of the others work in her thick hair. But you know what, that's it, she can just have knotty hair and suffer through it being brushed. No more detangle spray if she is just going to pour it out. So furious! Then there is the fact she wont leave her poor brother alone so all I keep hearing is Elliott crying and whinging because Soph is in his face. I keep telling her to leave him alone but she wont so I have sent her outside before I throttle her. I don't care what she is doing, she can be in Mat's shed playing with screwdrivers and saw blades for all I care this morning, just so long as she isn't under my feet pissing me off! 

Sigh, well I tried that happiness is a choice rubbish, perhaps tomorrow morning will be more successful. Thank God I have been able to get my doctors appointment moved forward to today!     

Post Natal Depression

I mentioned at the end of yesterdays blog entry that I have an appointment pending with my GP to look at going back on antidepressants. Then it dawned on me that I don’t think I have even mentioned that topic in my blog before! Oops. So today, I thought I would share a little bit about this part of my life with you all. Post Natal Depression. Here goes...

As I have mentioned more than once, Elliott was an extremely difficult baby. He cried day and night, barely sleeping and never for more than 45 minutes at a time. This of course meant that I was never sleeping. Combine that with recovering from a difficult caesarean delivery whereby I lost a tonne of blood, mastitis, cracked and bleeding nipples from a horrible breastfeeding relationship with Elliott and it was just a recipe for disaster. That was the birth of my bout with Post Natal Depression. I had never had depression before and wanted another baby more than anything in the world, so it was quite a shock to realise that I was suffering from PND. Thankfully, after my “psychotic episode” as Mat calls it, I sought help and got things under control pretty quickly.

Oh, you want to know more about the above mentioned “psychotic episode” that I glossed over? Ok, I’ll tell you, but it is just between you, me and the back fence...not my proudest moment. Elliott was having one of those rare nap things that I’d read about in a pretentious perfect parenting book (one day, I will write a parenting book that actually makes Mum’s feel good about parenting and not make them feel like they are failing because their child doesn’t follow the perfect pattern described in these unrealistic books). Mat was home on this particular day and we desperately needed groceries. More desperately, I wanted to get out of the house so we agreed that I would go to the supermarket and Mat would stay home with the kids. Sophie begged and pleaded to come with me and I agreed, on one condition: that she sat in the trolley seat without complaint. “Oh yes, yes Mum. I will” she promised. Off we went, headed into the supermarket and chose a trolley. I lifted Sophie up so she could sit in the seat but sure enough, in true Sophie form, she kept her legs stiff and refused to sit down. Through gritted teeth and with a firm grip on her arm I demanded that she sit her backside down in that trolley. It was no use, she rates higher on the stubborn scale than I do. So I ripped her out of the trolley, left it where it stood, gripping Sophie’s arm I battled my way back out of those one way automatic opening gates (stupid things), marched back out to the car, buckled her in, got in my seat, closed the door and it was on. I just began screaming and yelling at her. My throat hurt, the veins in my neck and head bulged to the point of near explosion and I just kept yelling. I yelled at her all the way home, into the garage, out of the car and into the house. I kept yelling at her while I threw her onto her bed and ripped all of the toys out of her bedroom. I remember saying “This will teach you not to listen to me. No more toys!” and the ranting and raving continued until I had cleared her room of toys. I slammed her door and came out to a very confused looking Mat. I screamed at him about what had happened, told him he can have his f%#@ing children and I am out of here. I went through the garage door, slamming it hard behind me, I got in my car and then completely lost it. I was a sobbing mess. I couldn’t even coordinate myself to put the keys in the ignition so I wasn’t going anywhere. I just sat there, head on the steering wheel and sobbed my little heart out. Mat, confused about whether he should tend to me or Sophie eventually came to see if I was OK. Clearly I wasn’t. It was then that I realised there was something wrong with me because it is not normal to hate your children and wish you had never had them. That was how I was feeling and I blamed Mat for impregnating me too of course. I was a mess! The rest of that particular day I stayed in my bed, crying and crying and told Mat to keep the kids away from me and only bring Elliott in when he needed a feed. It was just horrible. Recalling it now has me in tears!

So that was my “psychotic episode”. An absolutely pivotal point in my life that I feel needed to happen to be my light bulb moment. From that point, I promptly sought help firstly from my GP who put me on antidepressants (they made my hair fall out but I figured I could be bald and happy or miserable with luscious locks), then I sought help from a brilliant counsellor who facilitated some great changes in me and finally from a Spiritual Centre that I know frequently attend (more on that side of my life later). It has been an ongoing healing process but I feel like I am back in the slums of depression (bluck!) I have tried to talk my way out of it, plan my way out of it, organise my way out of it and act my way out of it, but to no avail. Damn chemical imbalance! So back to square one and the healing process begins again. At least this time I am more aware of the depression and no psychotic episode has had to occur before seeking help!   

There it is, it’s out there now. Goodbye Mother of the Year Award J

I can't think of a witty title today...

I don’t want to do today. I want to call in sick. Who has the phone number on calling in sick for a Motherhood gig...? Somebody...? Anybody...? Nobody! That’s right, because we can never take a day off even if we want to! I knew it all had to come crashing down as I have had two reasonably nice days in a row. I must have peaked yesterday and am now feeling so exhausted and grumpy, coming off my high I guess. This is how I know it is going to be a feral day:

-          My essential to do list is longer than the amount of free hours I have available today.

-          When I heard Sophie’s voice for the first time this morning it pierced through my skull. Good god child, all of my waking hours are filled with the sound of your voice! She NEVER stops talking!!!

-          It is 6am and Sophie is watching TV. She is a total feral if she watches TV in the morning but as I said, I don’t want to do today so the TV is going to babysit her as much as possible. She still talks while watching TV but thankfully a whole lot less!

-          I cringed when I heard Elliott’s whingy morning wake up. Apart from the fact that it is just way too freakin early at 4:50am, he is a fidgety pain in the backside to give a bottle to. He wants his bottle, drinks it all up in fact, but he kicks and pushes and just acts like a total pain in the arse EVERY time. Even when I breastfed him he would act like he was riding a bull by waving his arm in the air. If I held his arm still he would wave his leg in the air instead. Fidgetty pain in the bum. I hate it. Once we get through Christmas, the bottles are going!   

-          The weather is rubbish and I have about 4 loads of washing to do. Plus sheets!

-          Last nights dishes are still adorning the kitchen bench. Stupid cleaning fairies have never received my change of address form since moving out of Mum's place.

So all in all, it is going to be a less than grand day. I have already tried positively self talking myself out of it blah blah freakin blah. It hasn’t worked. My appointment with the GP about going back on antidepressants can’t get here quick enough!!!!

Happy Days

I woke up this morning and decided today was going to be a happy day. The best part is...it has been!! I have two speeds, flat out and stop, so understandably, I function best on flat out. The day has panned out that way indeed...

The race began to be out the door by 8am to do the groceries. In my haste with getting through breakfast, I spilt Elliott’s soggy Weetbix all over the bench. Not to worry, it is going to be a happy day J Breakfast done, all dressed and ready and we were out the door at 8am on the dot. Woot! I hooned through the supermarket as I had to be at swimming lessons by 9:30am (Sophie’s lessons, not mine, I can already swim) The only trouble was, everyone was up for a chat! The deli lady, the old people, the Fruit Shop lady, even the trolley boy!! I smiled, laughed, engaged and gave the very obvious body language that I was in a hurry. Thankfully, I made it home with just enough time to unpack the cold groceries, pack the swimming bag, whip up morning tea and race back out the door to swimming. I was five minutes late for Soph’s lesson but not to worry, happy day J

After swimming, the kids stayed for a play at a friends’ house while I went to do a spot of warehouse shopping for crafty supplies. I tried programming the GPS but it was playing up like a second hand lawnmower.  I smashed it on the dashboard a few times in an effort to amend its shortcomings, but to no avail. I did however successfully break the plastic off the top corner, but I figure this was a good outcome considering I wanted to throw it out the window. Happy day J    

Home again after shopping and I have been elbow deep in chores and tending to the kids. I still need to get some sewing done to make an outfit for Sophie’s Kindy concert, mop the floors, do the washing and get dinner on but that can wait. Right now, the kids and I are off for a swim with the neighbours and there is an ice cold gin and tonic calling my name (well aware that it is around 3:30pm). Happy day J   

Getting Organised

I have mentioned before that I thrive on organisation and order. As we all know, however, with children in tow, this is a difficult and often futile pursuit. Today I thought I would share with you a few signs that you (or perhaps even I J) need to consider the possibility that the organisational department needs an overhaul...

• You bring groceries into the house only to realise that there are still bags on the floor from when you did the shopping three days ago. 
• You go to the supermarket every three days!
• You put an important item right in the door way to ensure you remember to take it with you when you leave the following morning. However, when you leave, you simply step over said item and keep on waltzing.
• You can't stand that gritty feel of the un-vacuumed floor under your feet. Instead of, well, vacuuming it, you don a pair of thongs. Problem solved! No more gritty feeling J
• You wake up one morning and begin celebrating your child's birthday. When you venture into the kitchen and see the calendar, you realise you've made a terrible mistake...their birthday is actually tomorrow! No choice but to keep on celebrating. (True story, it happened to a dear dear friend of mine who is a wonderful mother, albeit an exhausted one).
• You go through the evening routine (we all know the one, where we are rushing through the tasks to get the kids in bed on time!!) You get the kids bathed, dressed and ready for bed then give the command "All right kids, brush your teeth and it's off to bed". There is an uproar from the wee ones and they remark in horror "But you haven't given us our dinner yet!!!" (Also a true story that happened to a friend of a friend of mine).

So these are just a few signs that a little more organisation may be needed. I have no hints or tips on implementing any actual organisation I am afraid. After all, I am six modules behind in my course on becoming more organised so perhaps I am not the best authority to be giving advice on this subject! lol J

  

Reality Check

Oh, what a wonderful time we had on our Inaugural Annual Girls Weekend Away! The old saying “Time flies when you’re having fun” definitely applied in this instance, the reality of motherhood has taken over from that relaxed and carefree feeling I had only 24 hours ago. As wonderful as the weekend was, it wasn’t all smooth sailing...

We arrived at the hotel after discussing on the journey that we would just sit in the spa, eat cheese and drink wine all night. Heaven!! We check in and go to our room, only to discover that they had given us the wrong room! We booked a penthouse suite with a rooftop terrace and spa but instead we got an ordinary (but still very flash) room with a spa bath. We went back to reception to try and sort it out, but to no avail. A long story short is that there was lots of heated discussion with the very dismissive and arrogant man who treated us like we were stupid and useless housewives. The only resolution reached was staying in the room we had arrived to with a refund of the difference and being given a bottle of champagne and a platter of food. It took us an hour or two, and a few glasses of wine, to get over this disappointment but we eventually did and went on to enjoy a fantastic weekend of drinking, laughing, relaxing and recharging the batteries.

The euphoria began to wear off yesterday when we were on our way home. I got a phone call from a very exhausted Mat pleading “How far away are you?” I told him about half an hour, to which he says “Sophie hasn’t had an afternoon nap, Elliott won’t go down for a sleep, he just keeps whinging and screaming at me. I haven’t even thought of what to do for dinner yet” blah blah blah. Inside, I was thinking suffer in your jocks, Mat.  I have to put up with this every day and you rarely come home early enough to help with any of the work to be done. Instead, I said “No worries, you’ll work out dinner and I’ll be home soon”. I am saving the suffer in your jocks argument for a time that it will benefit me J

Then this morning, the euphoria was completely gone and it was back down to business. I went to change Elliott’s nappy and when I came back out to the lounge room where Sophie was playing she froze. She looks up at me, glistening in the morning light with a very cheeky smile on her face. She had raided my handbag and found my lip balm. She then smeared said lip balm all over her face, arms, body, legs and the couch! Sigh. Welcome back, Mum J    

Fabulous Friday

I am so very excited as I sit here to type today's blog entry. Why, I hear you ask? It is the eve of the Inaugural Annual Mother's Group Weekend Away. My Mother's Group friends and I have been saving our pennies into a joint bank account just for this special occasion. We are off for a weekend of no kids, no husbands, no washing, no meals to prepare, no taxi services, no mediating, no tidying up, no behaviour to modify, no whinging to listen to, no other human to consider but ourselves! HEAVEN!! Instead, following a half hour massage each, we will be relaxing in the spa of our penthouse suite at Peppers Resort. We will be sipping wine, eating cheese, laughing, indulging and engaging in some well deserved R&R...I can't wait!!! Man, it is going to be hard to come home.

On the flip side of me going away for a weekend of indulgence is of course the reality that Mat will be left alone with the kids. Now, I know what you are thinking, "he is their Dad, things will be fine" blah blah blah. Let me share some tales with you that may help you consider my position of concern:

We went on a Mum's Group camping trip. One particular afternoon us Mums went for a walk out into the lake (waist deep most of the way across) and left the kids with the dad's back at camp. There was a slight miscommunication (or lack of cognitive functioning on Matthew's behalf) and he allowed Sophie to come to the lakeside ALONE looking for me. I was unaware of this until the fellow Mums and I began walking back to shore. At least 50m out Sophie meets us in the water! ALONE! UNSUPERVISED! in the water. I naturally had a heart attack and could do nothing more than visualise tearing Mat a new one. Lucky for him, we were in public!

Then there are just the most recent events like serving up hot hot hot porridge to Sophie and telling her to wait for it cool down. What 4 year old will sit patiently and be able to comprehend how long it will take to cool the porridge down? None! The end result was Sophie's burnt tongue and my tongue lashing Mat for not having the foresight to see she would burn her mouth on hot porridge.

Then there was him running the bath for the kids the other night. He doesn't wait to get the temperature right then let the kids in. Oh no, he lets Soph hop in immediately to which I hear "It's hot Daddy, hot hot hot". Einstein doesn't get Sophie out until he balances the temperature though, he lets her stay in there! Then the best part is he puts the kids in the bath then buggers off out to the lounge room! What are you high or something??!! I politely, well no, bluntly, tell Mat to get back to the freakin bathroom and supervise the kids. Elliott is 1 for goodness sake "Oh he'll be right" is the response I get. Agggghhhh!

Oh, God, this list just goes on, but this isn't a husband bashing session so I will stop there. It was just a snippet of information to highlight why I am a little concerned about leaving the kids with him. Thankfully though, my prayers have been heard and Mat's Mum called the other night to invite Mat and the kids up for the weekend. Elaine has raised 4 kids of her own so I am more than confident Sophie and Elliott will be in safe hands with her. Phew! Relaxation, here I come!!      

Mother of the Year Awards

It's no secret that a Mother of the Year Award is not exactly within my reach. I'd like to think it is, but we all know that aint gonna happen :) So you can imagine my surprise when I got a call from the Mother of the Year Awards Organisational Department for Sifting Through Anonymous and Likely Unsuccessful Applications (well at least that's what I think the department was called). They wanted to run a few questions by me, kind of like a screening process I guess you could call it, so I said “Sure!”...

Question 1. Do you always ensure your children eat healthy and nutritious food?

“Do you mean like all the time, or just most of the time?” I asked

This is for Mother of the Year, Kate, I mean all the time.

I quickly glanced at Elliott chewing on a sweet sugary biscuit I had thrown at him when the phone rang in an effort to keep him quiet. I looked over at Sophie eating sprinkles she had hijacked from the cupboard while I was distracted on the phone...”Ah, I would have to say only most of the time. Not all the time I am afraid”.

Oh, OK. (long pause) Question 2. Is your house clean and in good order?

From where I was sitting, facing a wall, things looked pretty tidy. The messy toy area was behind me and I had the doors shut to my craft room, the office and my bedroom where all the mess was hiding. “Somewhat, orderly I would say”. Then I rested my elbow in a pile of soggy Weetbix on the bench “And mostly clean”.

Hmmm, OK. Question 3. Do you always talk to your children in a quiet, kind and encouraging manner?

After shouting at the kids so much earlier in the week, I lost my voice, so I guess it could be said that I spoke quietly to them after that. Encouraging...hmmm. Sophie, I strongly encourage you to do what I have told you or I will smack your backside. Yep, encouraging. “Yes, indeed. Why, just this week I have not spoken to them in any other way”.    

Very good. Question 4. Do you ensure your children get plenty of time outdoors?

I reflected on earlier today when I put Sophie outside because I told her that only children who are good listeners are welcome in my home. “Absolutely, plenty of outdoor time”.

Fantastic. What about reading? Do your children have access to lots of books?

I looked at the city Sophie and I had constructed out of books and the special book tower we were building for Elliott to knock over. “Oh, yes, my kids can’t keep their hands off books!”

Wonderful. Now for the most important question of the nomination process, tell me the best bit of parenting advice you would give to other Mothers.

So many things ran through my mind but I had to filter what was appropriate to verbalise. After all, this was for Mother of the Year. Skimp on afternoon tea to ensure your kids eat all their dinner. No I couldn’t say that. If your child is having an epic tantrum while you’re holding onto them in the pool, just drop them for a second. Nothing like going underwater for a moment to stop the screaming. No, definitely not that one. What about Sleep with ear plugs in. Then those bothersome night time wakings will be a problem of the past. No. Hmmmm...I know, I’ve got it! “Don’t hold yourself to ridiculously high standards because there is no such thing as a perfect parent. Love your children, care for your children and do the best job you can”.

Excellent. Thank you for your time Kate. We will be in touch.  

Fingers crossed, bring on the Mother of the Year Award! J  

Stressed!

Morning guys. I have started writing today’s blog about eight times but I have to keep stopping myself. I am feeling extremely stressed right now about finances (I know you all hear me on that one!), about Mat’s lack of support in me telling his douche of a brother to pay us the rent he owes us, the family drama bubbling away because of said brother dribbling shit to the rest of the family, my frustration at no one making said brother accountable and generally everything going to hell in a hand basket thanks to this immature douche of a brother-in-law. If I write about these topics it is only going to cause a whole lot of drama because, as Mat pointed out, “My family doesn’t deal with stuff like your family does”. He’s right, our families are very different. My family is healthy whereby if there is a problem, you identify it, you tell the other party they are being a total dickhead, you hash it out, solve the problem and move on happy and loving each other just as much, if not more, than before. Mat and his family are not quite as direct whereby they pretend there is no problem at all and deal with absolutely nothing. Polar opposites. But as I said, I am not going to talk about these topics because it will just cause drama so instead, I am going to make a few suggestions on how to deal with stress...

-         Drink. Drink lots. Drink wine, vodka, gin, Listerine, whatever is handy. Just drink.

-         Scream and shout at the scammers who call you from “Windows Support Team”. Don’t hold back, these bastards are trying to scam you out of your hard earned money. Scream until the veins pop out of the side of your neck.

-         Engage in a little emotional eating. Grab a tub of Nutella and a spoon. Not that pissy little jar you bought because it was on special, I’m talking about the decent sized jar you could lose a kitten in.    

-         Start smoking. If you are like me and literally vomit after inhaling a cigarette (true story, I actually turned green and vomited. Eeeeeewww) then just think of the benefits on your waist line. You could lose 10kg by Christmas.

Hope you find these suggestions helpful. Enjoy your stress free day. I’m off to begin chain smoking whilst making some Nutella and Listerine soup.

Marvellous Shmarvellous

Marvellous Monday quickly turned into “You’ve got to be freakin kidding me” Monday. Things started out beautifully, but I must have jinxed myself by verbalising it in my blog. Damn it. My day ended up going a little something like this...

“Sophie, watch out for your brother”. “Sophie, watch out for your brother”. “Sophie, watch out for your brother”. “Sophie, watch out for your brother”. “Sophie, leave your brother alone!” Seriously, I must have said this at least 1000 times!! I don’t know what happened to my beautiful daughter who listened to instructions, used her manners and responded to threats of time out by fulfilling whatever the initial request was. Instead these days, I have a ratbag child who says “I want this” and “No” all day long and for some reason thinks she can do whatever she wants whenever she wants! I am utterly exhausted by the constant behaviour modification required day in and day out!!

Then there’s Elliott. As I’ve mentioned before, he is my nightmare child. He cries and whinges 90% of the time and nothing pleases him. The catch is of course, he can be quite lovely, pleasant and happy for every other human on the planet, but for some reason he is just horrible for me. Yesterday was no exception. He whinged ALL DAY and only had two 45 minute sleeps! He also fell off my bed head first onto the tiles. He fell off the lounge head first onto the tiles and he fell out of the back door of our single story home! Luckily his face contacting the exposed aggregate concrete broke his fall. To top it off, he’s cutting 4 teeth at once by the looks of it (I can only guess from the glimpses I see in his mouth...the dent on the side of my finger from his vice grip bite has taught me NOT to stick my fingers in his mouth to find out). Poor little guy, he had a rough day, but this doesn’t make me any more tolerant of his whinging. I know that sounds awful but he should just “woman up” and suffer in silence. Amazing how soon the “man sick” attitude develops.      

The icing on the cake for Marvellous Monday was when Sophie decided she had to help me feed the dog, Toby. She put the dry food in his bowl and then thought he should have a treat and have the tuna cat food for dinner (he loves the stuff). I poured the minced tuna in his bowl and Sophie declares she will take it outside to him. It all happened so fast but she ended up pulling his bowl off the bench and spilling the tuna EVERYWHERE. It was all over the stools, the floor and Sophie, freshly bathed, dressed and ready for bed, Sophie. Sigh. Back to the bath with Sophie, Toby inside to clean up the floor and Glen 20 out to get rid of that horrid tuna smell. Yuk!

So all in all, Marvellous Monday turned out to be only Marvellous Monday Morning. Oh well, things can only get better...bring on a Terrific Tuesday J (there’s that optimism again)

Marvellous Monday

Good morning everyone J I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, I LOVE Mondays J It’s a fresh start, the beginning of a whole new week to define goals and achieve what I set out to do. Optimistic, I know, especially with two unpredictable kids in tow, but I like to think it could be successful. In line with the upgrade to Kate: Version 2.0, I thought I better be accountable and give you all an update as to where I am at...

Well, the transition to a healthier, fitter, trimmer and happier me is underway. On Friday, when I collected Sophie from Kindy, one of her dear little friends came up to me, patted my tummy and asked if there was a baby in there!!!!!! Ah, no, the baby was actually on my hip! How mortifying. That was my light bulb moment, when the switch was flicked and I am now all of the sudden very serious about losing weight. The last three mornings, before doing anything else, I have completed 30 minutes on the cross trainer followed by some stretches and strength exercises. Mat and I have struck a deal whereby I will exercise at 5am each morning and if/when the kids wake up, he has to tend to them whilst getting himself ready for work. It’s a tight schedule seeing as he leaves for work at 5:50am but as far as I’m concerned, in his role as a carpenter, donning some clothes, whipping up a sandwich and sipping coffee is not exactly difficult to achieve in the 50 minute window. This morning was a hit so fingers crossed it continues to be successful J

Regarding organisation, things are slowly coming together. You know that course I signed up for in an effort to get my s*%t together? Well, I am still in Module One but the course is up to Module Five so I kind of need to pull my finger out and get organised to complete it...oh the irony. The bits I have read and completed are very useful though so it is proving to be beneficial, well, if you ignore the fact I am behind by four modules anyway J  

As for my overall wellbeing and happiness, today I am onto something great. It’s 8am as I sit down to write this blog entry and so far, things are going along nicely. The kids and I are all fed, dressed, teeth cleaned and ready for the day. Beds are made, washing is sorted. I’ve played games with the kids, wrestled with the kids (involuntarily whilst I was attempting to do Pilates on the lounge room floor) and read 2 of the recommended 7 books a day to the kids. Elliott’s back down for his morning sleep and Sophie is happily playing dress-ups. I love today J

I hope you are all having a wonderful morning too. Enjoy your day and I will leave you with this quote to inspire you for a productive week ahead:

Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap...but by the seeds you plant. Robert Louis Stevenson.

Remembrance Day

Today is such an important day as we remember those Soldiers who died or suffered for Australia's cause in all wars and armed conflicts. It is a subject close to my heart as my younger brother, Sam, is a former Australian Soldier and my older brother, Ben, will soon become one. I am so very proud of Sophie today as she went off to Kindy with her poppy badge pinned to her shirt, but as you can imagine, it has been a difficult concept to explain to a 4 year old...

We purchased the poppy badges at the shop, where I began to explain to Sophie what they were. She nodded away in apparent understanding but when we got in the car to come home, she asked “Are we taking Poppy’s badges to his house now?” (Best go back to square one and begin explaining things to Soph again).

Throughout the week I was further explaining to Sophie that the poppy (of the flower variety, not her grandfather) represents Australian Soldiers who have died at War. She began putting the pieces together that her Uncle Sam was a Soldier and she became quite concerned. In a sincere and worried voice, she asked “Is Uncle Sam going to die?” (Not quite there in understanding what Remembrance Day is about, a little more work needed).

Mat was outside spraying ants last night when Soph questioned him as to what he was doing. “Spraying the ants so they die and stay out of Mummy’s kitchen” he said. Sophie comes in to report to me that “Daddy is spraying the ants so they have to die, like the Soldiers”. (Getting warmer in understanding that Soldiers died, but not quite there with regards to why they died).

At Sophie’s request, we were again discussing Remembrance Day and why the Soldiers who went to War died fighting for our Country. She proudly tells me that she will wear her poppy badge to Kindy “for the Soldiers who died going to the wall”...

I think that is as close as we will get for now in helping Sophie understand what Remembrance Day is all about. This is going to be an ongoing lesson for her and I will ensure that remembering our Soldiers is an integral part of both hers and Elliott's lives. I sincerely hope you are all doing the same with your children. Lest We Forget.

I'm so proud: My brother, Sam, in East Timor about to go up in the Black Hawk.

Imagine that

Sophie has an imaginary friend called Munchkin. Munchkin is a huge part of Sophie’s life and as such, has pretty well become another member of our family. Here are just a few stories to introduce you to the world of Munchkin...

I had collected Sophie from Kindy one afternoon and when we were only about 5 minutes from home, I hear a loud gasp from the back seat. “Oh, no, I forgot Munchkin!” Sophie declares, with genuine concern in her voice. “No, no, it’s OK, she’s in here” I said. “No she’s not. I left her at Kindy” she says again, sadly. “No you didn’t, Sophie, she’s here in the front with me”. “No she’s not!” “Oh, sorry, you’re right, she’s in the back with you and Elliott” I tried in vain. “No she’s not, Mum. We have to go back and get her”. Oh no, there was no way I was going back to Kindy to collect an imaginary friend. What a looney! This discussion went on until we got home, where thankfully, I found Munchkin had been hiding in the boot the whole time. A very relieved Sophie embraced Munchkin then sent her straight to time out for playing in the boot. Poor Munchkin, what a rough ride J  

Sophie has a star chart and once she has accumulated a certain amount of stars for positive behaviour, she gets a reward from her surprise basket. Naturally, Sophie implemented the same system for Munchkin. The only trouble was that Munchkin had earned her 5 stars but she didn’t have a surprise basket to get a reward from. “I know”, Sophie says “She can have a lolly”. Great idea. Mat was in the kitchen so I asked him to get down the pretend lolly jar and give Munchkin a pretend lolly. He does so, much to Sophie’s disgust, then she says “No no no, a real one!” I am busy with something else, Mat looks to me for guidance and my response was simply, “Whatever, give her a real one, I don’t really care right now”. Mat hands Sophie the lolly for Munchkin, Sophie thanks her father then promptly stuffs the lolly straight into her mouth! “Whoa, whoa whoa, I thought that lolly was for Munchkin?” Mat says. Sophie responds, with a beaming smile on her face “No, silly, Munchkin isn’t real!” Convenient J

My brother recently got married and there was a photobooth at the reception (awesome!!) Sophie enjoyed having photos with anyone she could pin down and of course, she had to have some photos with Munchkin. Now you would think that an imaginary friend would be hard to photograph but Sophie worked out a way...

Here is a snap of Sophie holding Munchkin up for the camera 

And a snap of me holding Sophie up while she is cuddling Munchkin. Too cute!

So now you have met the whole family. Mat, Sophie, Elliott and Munchkin...what a crazy bunch we are J

Super Mum...what rubbish!

It may come across in the theme of some blog entries that I have been a little down on myself lately. I am teetering on the edge of running away to join the circus in an effort to bring some calm into my life! I thrive on order, structure, planning and control, all of which are as rare as hens teeth when it comes to being a Mum. You would think after four years in this role I would get it by now...but evidently I don’t. Then I got to thinking, if I had a friend come to me with the same sort of issues, what advice would I give to her...?

1.       Stop beating yourself up! No one can be 100% perfect at everything they do.

2.       It is totally unrealistic to think that you can maintain the same level of enthusiasm and happiness each and every day for the sake of your children. Your kids need to learn that there are times when people, including Mum, are cranky, tired and over it.

3.       ALL of us, each and every one of us Mothers, want to run away to join the circus from time to time. It is totally normal to want to check out of this motherhood gig.

4.       Look after you! Start making you a priority. A happy Mum means a happy household.

5.       It is a marathon, not a race. The time you have at home with your children is so short in the grand scheme of things. Enjoy these few years you have at home caring for your babies, they will be off to school before you know it and things will never be the same again.

6.       You are doing a wonderful job with your children. They are happy, healthy, loved and cared for in the best way possible. You enrich their lives and they aren’t going to remember the occasional bad day.

7.       Love. Love yourself. Love your children. Love your husband. Love your family and friends. Fill your life with love, love, love and the benefits will shine through.  

Perhaps I should start taking some of my own advice and be kinder to myself...”Update ready to download for Kate: Version 2.0” J

F*#%ing Fours

We have all heard of the Terrible 2’s but did you know there are actually two more stages of challenging childhood behaviour? According to my dear Mum, following on from the Terrible 2’s are the Throttling 3’s and the F*#%ing 4’s. After the way Sophie has been behaving of late, I am certainly inclined to believe it...

I recall when the Terrible 2’s began with Sophie and in hindsight, they really weren’t that terrible. There was the occasional wall painting with a tub of nappy rash cream or a break and enter on the bathroom cupboard, but overall, nothing too difficult.

Then there were the Throttling 3’s and this is where the magic really began. As Sophie’s language skills developed, along with her independence, everything became a negotiation. Simple requests such as “Sophie, come and sit at the table, dinner’s ready” were met with “Well I’ll just finish playing with this and then I will have dinner”. “Actually no, Sophie, toys away, it’s dinner time”. “But why?” Oh God!!! The “why” phase. What a nightmare!!!!!!! I can’t forget to mention that during the Throttling 3’s, Sophie learnt that the time out chair is not just for sitting in, it can be thrown whilst screaming like a banshee too. Very effective behaviour for inducing a desire to throttle so I would say the Throttling 3’s lived up to their name.

Next of course, are the F*%#ing 4’s. I had forgotten about this phase until Monday, when I realised we are already in the thick of it...

I could hear Sophie screaming over the top of the vacuum cleaner, so I assumed she had severed a limb or cracked her skull. Oh no, she simply wanted to play a board game with me. In my mind played the words “For f*%#s sake!”

Whilst serving up morning tea, every suggestion I made was met with “No, I don’t like that” or “No, I don’t want that”. In my mind played the words “For f*#%s sake!”

I could hear Elliott screaming for the 94^th time that morning as a result of Sophie bothering him unnecessarily. In my mind played the words “For f*%#s sake!”

Sophie made a request and when told “No”, she responded with “Well actually, yes” and attempted to carry on doing what she pleased. In my mind played the words “For f*%#s sake!”

So in light of the internal dialogue I had going on Monday, I would say yes, we are well and truly in the phase of the F*%#ing 4’s. Sigh. Give me strength!

Cake that!

Phew! What an epic few days we have had! Sophie turned 4 on Saturday and, as seems to be the tradition in our family, she had an excessive number of days celebrating. Mum’s Group party on Thursday, Kindy party on Friday, Ford family party on Saturday and O’Neill family party on Sunday. I worked it out that while she is only 4 years old, she has had about 16 birthday celebrations. As for Elliott, he is only 1 but has had 3 celebrations! Lucky I love making cakes and celebrating with family and friends J

I wanted to take the opportunity to share some pictures with you of some of the cakes I made this year. Elliott’s main cake was a simple vanilla cake surrounded by vanilla and lemon cupcakes topped with white chocolate ganache. Delicious!

Sophie’s feature cake was the rainbow cake with butter icing laced with a splash of lemon juice. On the Saturday, it was a simple looking white round cake, until I cut into it and that’s when the magic started. We only consumed half of this cake on Saturday, so for the Sunday celebrations I turned the cake on its side, re-iced it and fashioned a rainbow garden scene. Perfect for the Garden Fairy party we had on Sunday, with dress ups, face painting and all J (I wont mention that this particular party was made up of only my 2 children and 8 adults in fairy wings and face paint lol).

So, over the period of just a few weeks, the kids birthdays are done and dusted for 2011. We have a lot of family birthdays coming up in the next few months though so stay tuned for more cakes from Kate’s Creations J Yummy!!

Reptile run-in

Seriously, what is with me and reptiles?!?! I went out for coffee with a mate tonight and was driving home a little distracted by my thoughts. All of the sudden, there was a HUGE snake on the road! In a stretched out fashion, it would easily be the width of one traffic lane. I had to think fast. Option (a) drive into oncoming traffic or option (b) drive over the snake. I drove over the snake...EEEEEEK!

I was driving along OK for a moment, beating myself up for hurting an animal, then rationalising it by recalling it was a bloody snake!!! (I had a snake inside my house once, I was home alone and heavily pregnant with Elliott...a story for another time, but one that has sealed the deal on my thorough dislike of snakes). Then it dawned on me...you often hear those stories of people driving over a snake, then when they get out of their car, the horribly angry snake leaps out from underneath, blood thirsty and savagely attacks the innocent driver (slight exaggeration perhaps). Then the panic started to set in....

If you are a police officer, tune out now. Are you tuned out? OK. Good. So while continuing driving, I called Mat. Naturally, there was no answer. As it was only about 9:30pm, I tried calling again and again until thankfully he answered! I requested that he meet me out the front when I get home, with a torch, and check under my car before I hop out. He’s a very caring soul and his response was “You’ll be right”. Um, I’m sorry, what?!? No I most certainly will not be! Mat is absolutely deathly afraid of snakes so I knew he would be reluctant to come to my aid, but I did not fancy another toad style standoff and run the risk of sleeping in my car. He agreed to meet me out the front and I continued driving, explaining to myself that I was totally safe inside the car and there was nothing to worry about. Then it dawned on me...there is NOTHING stopping a horrible creature like a snake crawling up through the engine bay and coming into my car over the wall of the footwell! Damn you Mat for educating me about cars, now I was really panicking! My mind started playing tricks on me and I could interpret every normal sensation on my feet/legs as a snake crawling on them. I was driving like a lunatic!! (another reflection on my less than grand driving, thank goodness all police officers tuned out about 8 sentences ago...Ben and Sam, don’t count to see if it is actually 8 sentences, I’m not going for accuracy J)   

I couldn’t get home fast enough and thankfully when I arrived, my Knight in Shining Armour was there, fully clad, ready to help. He shone his torch under my car from a safe distance (but still close enough so as to look all manly and tough, not terrified and hesitant) and gave me the all clear and I made an epic leap from my door to a distant patch of lawn. Oh damn it, I still have to shut and lock the car! My Knight came to my rescue again and sorted that out for me. Credit given where credit is due, Mat did well tonight. But please, Universe, no more reptiles!!!!