Seriously, what is with me and reptiles?!?! I went out for coffee with a mate tonight and was driving home a little distracted by my thoughts. All of the sudden, there was a HUGE snake on the road! In a stretched out fashion, it would easily be the width of one traffic lane. I had to think fast. Option (a) drive into oncoming traffic or option (b) drive over the snake. I drove over the snake...EEEEEEK!
I was driving along OK for a moment, beating myself up for hurting an animal, then rationalising it by recalling it was a bloody snake!!! (I had a snake inside my house once, I was home alone and heavily pregnant with Elliott...a story for another time, but one that has sealed the deal on my thorough dislike of snakes). Then it dawned on me...you often hear those stories of people driving over a snake, then when they get out of their car, the horribly angry snake leaps out from underneath, blood thirsty and savagely attacks the innocent driver (slight exaggeration perhaps). Then the panic started to set in....
If you are a police officer, tune out now. Are you tuned out? OK. Good. So while continuing driving, I called Mat. Naturally, there was no answer. As it was only about 9:30pm, I tried calling again and again until thankfully he answered! I requested that he meet me out the front when I get home, with a torch, and check under my car before I hop out. He’s a very caring soul and his response was “You’ll be right”. Um, I’m sorry, what?!? No I most certainly will not be! Mat is absolutely deathly afraid of snakes so I knew he would be reluctant to come to my aid, but I did not fancy another toad style standoff and run the risk of sleeping in my car. He agreed to meet me out the front and I continued driving, explaining to myself that I was totally safe inside the car and there was nothing to worry about. Then it dawned on me...there is NOTHING stopping a horrible creature like a snake crawling up through the engine bay and coming into my car over the wall of the footwell! Damn you Mat for educating me about cars, now I was really panicking! My mind started playing tricks on me and I could interpret every normal sensation on my feet/legs as a snake crawling on them. I was driving like a lunatic!! (another reflection on my less than grand driving, thank goodness all police officers tuned out about 8 sentences ago...Ben and Sam, don’t count to see if it is actually 8 sentences, I’m not going for accuracy J)
I couldn’t get home fast enough and thankfully when I arrived, my Knight in Shining Armour was there, fully clad, ready to help. He shone his torch under my car from a safe distance (but still close enough so as to look all manly and tough, not terrified and hesitant) and gave me the all clear and I made an epic leap from my door to a distant patch of lawn. Oh damn it, I still have to shut and lock the car! My Knight came to my rescue again and sorted that out for me. Credit given where credit is due, Mat did well tonight. But please, Universe, no more reptiles!!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment