Mother of the Year Awards

It's no secret that a Mother of the Year Award is not exactly within my reach. I'd like to think it is, but we all know that aint gonna happen :) So you can imagine my surprise when I got a call from the Mother of the Year Awards Organisational Department for Sifting Through Anonymous and Likely Unsuccessful Applications (well at least that's what I think the department was called). They wanted to run a few questions by me, kind of like a screening process I guess you could call it, so I said “Sure!”...

Question 1. Do you always ensure your children eat healthy and nutritious food?

“Do you mean like all the time, or just most of the time?” I asked

This is for Mother of the Year, Kate, I mean all the time.

I quickly glanced at Elliott chewing on a sweet sugary biscuit I had thrown at him when the phone rang in an effort to keep him quiet. I looked over at Sophie eating sprinkles she had hijacked from the cupboard while I was distracted on the phone...”Ah, I would have to say only most of the time. Not all the time I am afraid”.

Oh, OK. (long pause) Question 2. Is your house clean and in good order?

From where I was sitting, facing a wall, things looked pretty tidy. The messy toy area was behind me and I had the doors shut to my craft room, the office and my bedroom where all the mess was hiding. “Somewhat, orderly I would say”. Then I rested my elbow in a pile of soggy Weetbix on the bench “And mostly clean”.

Hmmm, OK. Question 3. Do you always talk to your children in a quiet, kind and encouraging manner?

After shouting at the kids so much earlier in the week, I lost my voice, so I guess it could be said that I spoke quietly to them after that. Encouraging...hmmm. Sophie, I strongly encourage you to do what I have told you or I will smack your backside. Yep, encouraging. “Yes, indeed. Why, just this week I have not spoken to them in any other way”.    

Very good. Question 4. Do you ensure your children get plenty of time outdoors?

I reflected on earlier today when I put Sophie outside because I told her that only children who are good listeners are welcome in my home. “Absolutely, plenty of outdoor time”.

Fantastic. What about reading? Do your children have access to lots of books?

I looked at the city Sophie and I had constructed out of books and the special book tower we were building for Elliott to knock over. “Oh, yes, my kids can’t keep their hands off books!”

Wonderful. Now for the most important question of the nomination process, tell me the best bit of parenting advice you would give to other Mothers.

So many things ran through my mind but I had to filter what was appropriate to verbalise. After all, this was for Mother of the Year. Skimp on afternoon tea to ensure your kids eat all their dinner. No I couldn’t say that. If your child is having an epic tantrum while you’re holding onto them in the pool, just drop them for a second. Nothing like going underwater for a moment to stop the screaming. No, definitely not that one. What about Sleep with ear plugs in. Then those bothersome night time wakings will be a problem of the past. No. Hmmmm...I know, I’ve got it! “Don’t hold yourself to ridiculously high standards because there is no such thing as a perfect parent. Love your children, care for your children and do the best job you can”.

Excellent. Thank you for your time Kate. We will be in touch.  

Fingers crossed, bring on the Mother of the Year Award! J